Tales from the Punchbowl

9:13pm: This thing is still here?
I have realized that I simply don't have the time to update my LJ more than once every few months or so. So, to keep you in touch with what's going on with me, here's a list of concerts this summer I've already purchased tickets for:

George Carlin
David Bowie
Fleetwood Mac
Willie Nelson
Rush
Prince

And once Primus announces dates, you can bet I'll be there, too. Bastards.

Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe dealing with Ticketmaster? Because I do, see. Tix are WAY too expensive these days. At least with Prince, you get a free copy of his new CD at the show, which is nice. Especially seeing as how I don't own any Prince. I'm mainly going to that one because my girlfriend is a big fan, but I do respect him as a musician.

5:52pm: SO... FUCKING... ANGRY...
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=598&e=2&u=/nm/20040129/film_nm/film_galaxy_dc

Okay, anyone who knows me knows that Douglas Adams is my favorite author, particularly the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series. I was thrilled when I found out that HE was doing the screen adaptation.

Then he died. Disney took all of about two weeks to bring in someone else to rewrite the script, which really pissed me off... and now this? Mos fucking Def as Ford Prefect? I'm still hoping that it's all a bad dream that I'll wake up from soon.

6:28pm: A word of warning...
Never, EVER dice habanero peppers and then pee afterwards without scrubbing your hands with a brillo pad and comet first. Ow, it burns.

6:16pm: Can you say... "karmic payback"?
This almost makes up for the sad news about Fred Berry:

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=509&e=15&u=/ap/x10_bankruptcy

Evil bastards deserved it.

12:44pm: I'm baaaacK!!!
Yes kids... after having my work 'net access cut off back in June, I finally have entered the 1990s and gotten access at home. Mostly due to my older sis giving me her old PC (crappy 233 mhz machine, but what the hell, it was free!). So I'll be posting again a bit less infrequently than has been the case for the past several months. What's new in my life... got back together with my ex Sara in June, things have been going surprisingly great. I'm almost scared by it. Primus has reformed for a new EP/DVD/tour, which I couldn't be happier about. Work has been pretty shitty lately, but I can't even look for a new job right now, due to the fact that I'm still waiting to lose my license for the DUI I got back in June. Errrm... actually, I've done quite a bit of new and interesting stuff since then, but I just decided that it'd take way too long to type it all up here. I'm hungry and feeling too lazy today to cook, so I think I'm going to go order some Chinese food.

3:22pm: Yes, I'm still alive, everyone.
For those of you who didn't know... I got my 'net access at work cut off back in June... still working on getting a PC for home. Probably won't post in here again until I do... hope everyone is doing okay, I don't have time to check your journals. Sayonara.

9:12am: I am the world's biggest asshole.
I debated on whether or not I'd even post this, as it's a bit personal, but I think it will be cathartic for me. So if you don't want to hear info about me that may make you lose respect for me, or you just don't want to know about... stop reading right now.

Okay. So last weekend, I had a bit of an accident. I got quite drunk Saturday afternoon on screwdrivers, after putting in 60 or so hours here last week, I *thought* I needed it. Little did I know how wrong I was. I have posted a couple times about some of my legendary drinking feats, some of you have even witnessed them firsthand. Well, the difference is that not only could I barely walk this time, but my judgement was impaired enough that even though I was stumbling drunk, I thought I could drive. Well, after driving three blocks, I rear ended someone (no damage, I knew the guy, so he just kind of shook his head and left), and then when trying to turn at the same intersection, after he left, I ran off the curb and hit a building. Luckily, no real damage to the building other than some of my paint on it, and I also know the people who own the building, so they're not asking for restitution. I did, however, smash my head off my rearview mirror, cracking the windshield and knocking the mirror off, and bruise my arm and chest hitting the steering wheel. Thank God I had my seatbelt on at least. My front bumper cover fell off (I drive... err, DROVE... a minivan). I guess there was some structural damage, too. The insurance company ended up totalling it, as it was a '94 with a little over 100,000 miles on it, and due to previous damage, etc, the repairs would have cost more than the van was worth. It's kind of a good thing... I don't want to see the van anymore, it's just a reminder. I had to go yesterday to get all of my stuff out of it before they junked it, and it was weird. But anyway, the cops (of course) were called, and I will be getting a DUI out of this. So yeah, I can use the insurance to pay off the $1200 or so in fines I'm sure to have, and I get to lose my license for 60-90 days, being as it's my first offense. My life is going to truly suck ass for the next six months (at least) as I go through the legal system grinder. Since it's my first offense, I'll likely get ARD (read: drunk classes), a year's probation (I've heard from friends that have gone through this they leave you off after 6 months or so if you don't break it) and the $1200 or so in fines and fees I previously mentioned. Not to mention that I now have to get a new car.

It's been tremendously depressing, but I'm trying to keep it in perspective. Positive things that have come out of this:

1. I quit drinking. If I ever drink again, it won't be for a long time, and I will NEVER get behind a wheel with even one beer in me ever again. I ripped the hood ornament off my van when I got my stuff out of it yesterday, so I could put it in a prominent place in my new vehicle to remind me never to drink and drive again. Not that I think I'll need one, but it'll always be there as a reminder.

2. It could have been a lot worse. I got out of this with only minor bruises... I could have killed or seriously injured myself, or worse yet, someone else.

3. I'll be getting a new car out of this, since I have to, which will be kind of nice. I was kind of getting sick of the van, and ready for a change, but I only owed like $700 on it and was looking forward to not having car payments. Oh well.

So yeah. My life has been a bit of an emotional turmoil since, and just a pattern upheaval... getting rides to/from work, dealing with the insurance company, etc. And I haven't even *begun* the legal aspect yet. When I told my mom about it, I told her to just try to be understanding about it, and spare me the lectures, as I had already beat myself up about it more than anyone else possible could. Which is true. Words can't describe how bad I felt about it... when I got back from getting the alcohol blood test at the hospital and the cop dropped me off at home, I just sat down and cried for quite a bit.

So the upshot of all of this is: my life is going to be sucky for a while, but it's a learning experience, and I'll be a better person for it in the long run. I hope you can all find it in your hearts to forgive me and realize I'm not a bad person. Really.

12:05pm: Whee!

borderline


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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9:56am: The summer concert series is gearing up.
I opened it with the Foo Fighters, then Ministry and Anthrax last week (which both kicked ass, by the way). So far, the only other definites I have are Les Claypool in July, Iron Maiden/Motorhead/Dio in August, and the Bonnaroo NE festival on Long Island in August. Three days of music, booze, drugs, and just general debauchery. I need something like that, it's been a while. My friend Brian (the Dr. Gonzo to my Raoul Duke, and Beulahsboy on LJ) is trying to swing getting a ticket, I hope he does. When we get together, things get Interesting... usually in the Chinese sense of the word. But it's never dull. I'm glad he lives 5 hours away, though.

In other news... not much. I got an ego boost last Friday when I got blatantly hit on by two women. Unfortunately, the first one is hideous (but I talked to her for a while anyway, she bought me a drink), and the second one is psycho and has two kids. Sigh. So I wasn't going to hit the bars again on Saturday, but I did, thinking "Hey, I'm on a streak here". And of course, didn't see any women remotely interesting. Ah well, it was still an ego boost.

Weather here has been crappy... unseasonably cool and cloudy/rainy way too often. I checked the weather for this weekend, and it looks like more of the same. Except, of course, on Sunday, which is supposed to be in the 70s and sunny. While I'll be stuck bartending. I really ask myself if it's worth it sometimes. But the extra money is nice.

My sisters got my mom an Elvis phone that dances and sings when it rings for Mother's Day. I felt kind of upstage, I just got her a hanging flower basket. Which she loved, but still.

If it's sunny when I get out of work, I'm going to take my nephew for a hike. We both need to get in shape, especially him, he's becoming pudgy.

The weeks have just been flying by lately. I never seem to find enough time for everything I want to do anymore, and the work overload I've had lately hasn't been helping, as I've been working later. Things don't look like they'll be slowing down here until at least mid to late June, either. Which kind of sucks.

Lately, I've been having a lot of good thoughts while I'm at home, that at the time I think "that would be a good LJ entry!" But when I'm here at work where I can post, I'm too distracted by my job to think of anything intelligent or thought provoking. It's annoying. What I should do is just start writing the stuff down at home, and bringing it in here to transcribe. We shall see.

That's enough for now, back to the grind.

9:13am: Another one I couldn't resist...

You're Hobbes!


Which Calvin and Hobbes Character are You?
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11:24am: Insomnia.
I don't know if I've written about it in here before, but I have insomnia problems. What usually happens is that I have no trouble falling asleep, but after sleeping for four hours or so, I wake up and can't fall back asleep for the rest of the night. Or if I do, I wake up, doze off, wake up, and don't get good sleep. I'm kind of used to it now, so I'm not tired all the time, but I'm sick of looking like a damned raccoon for the black circles under/around my eyes. I finally decided enough is enough, I'm going to go to the doctor to get something for it, but I can't for another month. This is because my company just switched insurance company carriers, and the new one won't take effect until June. For the month of May, they're just carrying a bare-bones coverage plan on the old company. Which means I'll probably get into a car accident sometime this month, and require hospitalization, a helicopter flight to the hospital, etc.

Saw the Foo Fighters on Tuesday night, a good show. Not only did they sound really good, but Dave Grohl is a funny guy, and had me cracking up with some of his in between songs banter.

Before they came on, my friends and I were in an outside corral they have for smokers, smoking, and this large dude with a Misfits t-shirt on came over to my friend Jeremy and started saying "Didn't I talk to you in the parking lot?" and stuff like that... and then proceeded to tell us he was tripping his ass off on shrooms. The real reason he came over to us is that he wanted to get away from his buddy who he said was fucking with him... so we're talking to him a while, and we see security and staff come out with this wheelchair/gurney thing to take someone away... some guy sitting by the wall that didn't look too good. Turns out it was Misfits boy's friend... we got pictures of them taking him away, as well as Misfits boy. We saw him later, and he wants us to e-mail him the pics when we get them developed, him trying to explain his e-mail address was hysterical... "Okay... it's skullfucker, but with a PH... and an underscore where the e should be, skullfuck underscore r... so yeah, skullfucker at hotmail.com... oh, and there's an oh one after it..." Too much. So I guess it's skullphuck_r01@hotmail.com. Or maybe it was 10. It wasn't my camera, so I'm not in charge of e-mailing the guy pics.

I need to find a good Cinco De Mayo party to go to this weekend. They're having one at the bar I tend at on Sunday while I'm tending, which should be interesting. Specials on Corona, tequila, margaritas, chili, and tacos. I wish I still had a sombrero, I'd wear it.

Really nothing else new to report, which is why it's been a while since my last post. Seeing Ministry and Anthrax this coming Tuesday, that should be cool.

8:53am: A cheap trick for Cheap Trick.
So I went to bed around 10:30 last night, stayed up finishing Kingdom of Fear until probably 11:30 or so. Not sure exactly what time, as I keep my alarm clock facing away from me, as I have insomnia problems and don't like to know that I only have 3 hours or whatever left until I have to wake up. Anyway, I'm sleeping, and my phone rings at around 1:15 AM. The strange part about this is, it woke me out of a dream in which I was calling a friend who was staying in a hotel, to try to get her to hang out... I was talking to the guy at the front desk, who was saying "she gave explicit instructions not to be awakened by anything until 6 AM"... so as I'm screaming at this poor sod to just connect me, my phone rings. I wake up, am a bit confused for a second, and then hear my answering machine go off. It's my friend Erin... "pick up the phone! I know you're there, pick up the phone!". I can hear music and noise in the background, so I figured she's at a bar (she has off on Thursdays). I don't know why, maybe something in her voice, but I went and actually picked up the phone. She's at Molly Maguires, a bar we hang out at sometimes. The conversation went something like this:

Me: (in groggy sleepy voice) "Hello?"
Erin: "Yo, come on over to Molly's!"
Me: "I'm fucking sleeping! What are you, insane?"
Erin: "Cheap Trick is over here!" (Editor's note: Cheap Trick is playing at a local club tonight, I guess they were staying at the hotel that's in the same building as Molly's, it's the best hotel in the area)
Me: "Gee, that's great. Say hi to Robin Zander for me."
Erin: (half drunk) "He's standing about ten feet away from me! You should come over and meet them!"
Me: "Yeah, I'll think about it, but I doubt it."
Erin: "Wuss! Do you want to go tomorrow night? I'm going to try to get free tickets!" (Editor's Note: The tickets haven't exactly been selling like hotcakes... at the Blue Oyster Cult/Foghat show at the same venue last weekend, they were apparently selling them buy one, get one free)
Me: "Yeah, sure, whatever, try to get me one"
Erin: "Okay, later"
Me: "Later".

At that point I got a drink of water, and immediately went back to bed/sleep.

Why does surreal stuff like this continually happen to me? Especially the part about the dream... I have been having *way* too many of my dreams lately be directly related to something that happens when I wake up... am I psychic or something? And why have I gotten myself into a position where I might end up going to see a washed up early 80's band that I never really cared about when they were actually popular? I guess they have a couple okay songs, but really... do I want to to deal with the screaming 40 year old women who still think Robin Zander is hot? Even if it is free? I guess we'll see. If it's free, and nothing else is going on, I'll probably do it just because I'm sure it'll be worth a good laugh.

9:55am: Two quizzes in a row I couldn't help doing.

You are Random! Child of Trillian and Arthur Dent
of "Mostly Harmless", the fifth book
of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy
(yes, Trilogy). You don't quite fit anywhere,
and you have a very hot temper.


What random character are you?
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9:52am: Sounds about right.

You are the Dead Parrot Sketch. Very funny, a bit
dark and definitely a classic.


Which Monty Python's Flying Circus Sketch are You?
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9:12am: Hi Everybody!
I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome Zappajoe to LJ. He's new, so be nice, stop by and say hi to his journal, introduce yourselves, and all that fun stuff. That is all.

11:52am: Not surprising at all.
Although the innocence one kind of threw me... I guess I got that one because I waffled on it for a while... it has both positive and negative connotations, and I didn't know what to choose for a bit.

center>

I have issues with...

religion excess innocence society women

Take Word Association Test</center>

2:56pm: GGRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!
An *extreme* overload of work. War. Strange new killer diseases. Insomnia. Stupid people. Sexual frustration. I need a fucking vacation. I'm thinking I need about a month spent on a tropical island beach, drinking frozen drinks with umbrellas and a very excessive amount of alcohol in them, and surrounded by at least 15 beautiful and scantily clad women, with a small team of experts nearby working out new ways they can be nice to me. (Credit where credit's due... the last bit about the women was paraphrased from Douglas Adams, God rest his soul).

Failing all that, I think just beating the living shit out of someone right now would help me a lot.

At least the roast and baby carrots I started last night should be mouth watering by the time I get home, if I ever get the hell out of here.

4:54pm: This is smurfing nuts.
http://www.comicon.com/pulse/images/smurfs_hardcore.jpg

What's next? Hate Bears? BattleSnorks? G.I. Gay?

1:35pm: Some interesting links:
Fox News is in the business of taunting protesters:

http://www.bergenrecord.com/page.php?qstr=eXJpcnk3ZjcxN2Y3dnFlZUVFeXkyJmZnYmVsN2Y3dnFlZUVFeXk2MzU5NDQy

The highest bid on Ebay wins, unless you're Canadian, German, French, etc.:

http://www.wired.com/news/ebiz/0,1272,58190,00.html

Yes, even the CANADIANS hate our guts:

http://www.cbc.ca/stories/2003/03/26/libscellucci030326

Sigh.

12:34pm: So yeah.
Been a while since I posted. The past two weeks of work have been devilishly busy for me. The bosses were on a sales trip in Florida Mon-Wed. of last week (mostly at Bacardi), and at a Bar/Nightclub trade show in Vegas Mon. Wed. of this week. So I had to deal with some of their clients, and just generally handle some of the responsibility they'd normally take. They also gave me a full page (roughly 11x17) ad to write copy for while they were gone this week, which they spent $5000 on, and I just had a huge influx of quote requests. All of this has meant me ripping my hair out, in a nutshell. For anyone who doesn't know where I work, it's here:

http://www.popsigns.com

Not that anyone really cares. Okay, end of venting about work.

So I had a thought today that one of the reasons I probably like Buckethead and the new Flaming Lips album so much is the exposure I had to Japanese culture I had as a kid through things like Star Blazers, Godzilla/monster movies, and Kung Fu Theater on Saturday afternoons on channel 11. There's just something about that whole good vs. evil mentality that appealed to me as a child, I guess. On a tangent, I rented Kung Pow: Enter the Fist a week or two ago, and it's hilarious. Although I think you have to be a fan of old-school karate movies to really enjoy it fully.

I did some much needed shopping last night, and bought some reading material (Hunter Thompson: Kingdom of Fear, Flowers for Algernon, and the next two Discworld books that I hadn't read yet, trying to go through all of them in order). I wanted to FINALLY pick up Douglas Adams' Salmon of a Doubt, but sure enough, the bastards were sold out. DNA is my favorite author of all time, and I'm starting to think I'm destined never to read his final work. I also bought the first Tomahawk CD, and an entire new summer wardrobe, which was also badly needed. Grand total: somewhere in the neighborhood of $500, but it was money well spent.

So I checked the weather today, now that I got all these summer clothes: it's been mostly in the 60's for the past two weeks. Now that I got the clothes: highs in the high thirties starting Sunday and through at least the first half of next week, it looks like, fucking yay. Possible snow. Just when I thought we were done, should have known better. This IS spring in Pennsylvania, after all.

I should just be happy that the mountains of snow we had already have finally melted.

Not much else new or interesting here. Love life is still nonexistant, although I think I prefer it that way. Of course, the sex sucks, but I don't have to deal with any psycho bitches, soulless whores, etc. Just me, and I probably need to work on me a bit right now anyway.

Oh yeah: WAR SUCKS. I'd like to say what I really think about the Bush Regime here, but I'd probably end up getting disappeared by men in suits and mirrored shades.

Something fun had better happen to me this weekend. That is all.

3:25pm: Due partially to my current bitterness about women...
...I tend to think that this guy has got it exactly right:

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

10:16am: Tired.
I actually felt better yesterday, which is surprising, given the sheer amount of alcohol I consumed on Saturday and Sunday. But I couldn't sleep last night. Partially guilt over how much I drank, fear of the results of this war on Iraq thingy, and a few other things mixed in prevented me from falling asleep.

For anyone who cares, pictures from the beer festival and St. Pat's day parade:

http://BeaArthurGetsMeHard.gotdns.com:69/beerfest

I should be getting more within the next week, but this gives you a taste. I can't wait to see the ones where I just jumped in the parade and was following a unit of (I think) Marines down the street, raising my beer in the air like a drum major's baton.

All I can say is, next year I'm not going to start drinking at 7:30 AM again. Or drink that much Tullamore Dew. Or... well, you get the picture.

1:24pm: Inky's Lost Weekend®
This is going to be the most fun weekend ever. I have four friends from New York (two from Rochester, two from Garnerville) visiting me for the weekend, these are the same people I was with on the San Francisco adventure. Also, my friend Julie is going to be home for the weekend, she moved to Florida this past summer. Planned events: The International Beer Festival on Saturday http://www.splitrockresort.com/ibf.html
I'll probably start drinking at about 10 AM, and hit the bars after the festival, for something like a 15 hour nonstop binge. Then, on Sunday, I wake up to more green eggs and ham with more beer, and off to the St. Patrick's Day parade here, which is something like Mardi Gras in New Orleans, except smaller, and with more alcohol and less nudity. I took off bartending on Sunday and this job on Monday, so I have time to recover. I plan on taking a lot of pictures, so that I can remember what the hell happened all weekend. I'll post them here when I get a chance. Wish me well.

3:51pm: Yet another rant about women and relationships.
I decided a couple weeks ago that I'm just done trying when it comes to women. If I want to get burned again, I'll dump a gallon of gasoline over my head and light a cigarette. If I want to get hurt again, I'll just jump out of a second story window. Burns, bruises, and broken bones hurt less than a broken heart, and usually heal quicker and leave less scar tissue.

Several of my friends have been giving me shit for this. Stuff like "You're a sensitive person, being like this isn't good for you" and "you just pick bad women", and "you're better than all that". Well, maybe they're right, but I don't care. I'm done caring. Maybe I *was* a sensitive person, but not anymore. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. And isn't *constantly* picking the wrong women a reflection on some dark part of myself? Aren't the women I choose to date and have relationships some reflection on my soul? Of course, I don't lie or cheat, but maybe there's some part of me that finds those who do attractive for some strange reason, I don't know. If I knew what it was, maybe I could have it surgically removed. I could see if it were just a few times, but I have gotten totally screwed over *every* time I have truly opened myself up to a woman and let myself care about them deeply.

When you're a kid, it only takes touching a hot stove once or twice until you realize that touching it will only hurt you, and then you don't do it anymore. I guess two-year-olds are a lot brighter than I am, because it's taken me about 15 years of dating to wise up and knock it off already.

From now on, nothing but casual sex, which will be very rare, as even that takes some effort to make happen, and I've never liked it much anyway.

I can at least take solace in the fact that I have friends and family that love me and are there for me. Now all I have to do is come to terms with the fact that I'm going to die alone, probably with my trusty hound (who I have yet to purchase, I couldn't fit a Great Pyrenees in my current apt., even if I was allowed to have dogs) as my only companion.

9:33am: This just confirms something I've known for a long time.

Which Recurring Kevin Smith Character Are You?</b></a> Take the test here